"Solitary" Party Of One, Your Table Is Ready

Ok, I'll admit it.  I am a lonely bastard right now.

Yep.  Both words are accurate here.  "Lonely" because I feel solitary when I would rather have some companionship.  "Bastard" because it's because of this lonely state that I am kind of an off mood.

It doesn't make me any better looking to be like this.  It doesn't make me any more desirable.  It certainly doesn't make me any more happy.

The past few weeks I've been scouring the dating sites looking for anyone who may be remotely interesting to me.  Most of the time, I come up with zero.  Frankly, I know that this attitude is not helping, and yet, I continue to be this way.

About a month ago, I decided to take some time for myself to craft a better me.  I bought new sheets.  I bought a pull-up bar.  I made an active decision to work out.  Things like that.  The main thing was that I wanted to be happier with myself more than anything else.

Sadly, I will always start off great, but then taper off bit by bit.  I don't know why I do it, but it always happens.

It has been said that when you least expect it, it'll come.  I believe it.  To a point.  You can't be idle and just expect things to fall into your lap either.  There has to be a little work done to get there.  I need to keep focused on that.

But it's hard.  When the people you hang out with have something that you desire, it's not easy to just ignore it. 

On a different track:

A whole lot of my friends have either gotten married or are getting married within the next 2 years.  It's no fad.  To be honest, there are only are few that I am truly happy/excited for.  As for me, I have no plans for marriage.  My career is what I've been trying to get of the ground first.  I'm not ruling out marriage or anything, I'm just not there yet.

I'm working America's Got Talent tomorrow.  Should be interesting.  We'll see how that goes.

I had a dream that I was filing my nails.  When I woke up...my nails were still long.  This is a triumph: most of the time, I have vivid nightmares.  It's been a reoccurring thing for over a year now.  So when I have a dream that isn't scary, it's something for me to be extremely happy about.

Another meeting for the battle of the sexes game show that AJ and I are working on is scheduled for Wednesday morning.  If this actually goes through, this will be one of the greatest thing to have happened since moving here.

I want red Chuck Taylors.

Sometimes, when i feel alone, I'll randomly write stuff on people's FB walls, in an event to make them smile.

Other times I'll watch Homestar Runner, just for a laugh.

Then other times, I'll close my eyes and try to fall unconscious for hours at a time.

Like right now.

Peace.