How Are You?

I'm in one of those moods again.

It's the mood where I say up real late, alone in my room, headphones on, listening to the same few songs over and over again.  It's the mood where I lay in my room reading posts on Love Give Me Hope.  It's the mood where I'm just thinking.

I'm thinking about my life: where it was before, where it is now, and where it's going to go.  I'm wondering if I will ever be in a truly blissful state of being, because right now I'm not feeling too highly of myself.

I'm not a cutter.  I thought about it once, but decided that it wasn't my style: physical pain isn't really up my alley.  I don't down pills.  That takes a lot of effort on my part because I have trouble swallowing pills in the first place.  I don't drink myself silly.  The hangovers the next day are not pleasant, and it's quite an expensive habit to keep up.

When I am depressed, I shut down.  I don't eat much.  I don't drink much.  I don't do much of anything really.  Staying in my room alone, usually in bed, is what I do best.  I don't talk to my roommates or much anyone else because I figure "they don't understand. Besides, if they knew anything was wrong, they would have said something".  If I do talk to people, it's a select few, and even then, I don't say much about my state.  I won't lie to them and say that everything is "super fantastic" or that "nothing is wrong, everything is fine".  I used to do that.  Now I don't see what the point of that is because they'll continue to ask if everything is ok.  Instead I just tell them that I'm just "alright".  If any further prodding comes from them, I quickly make the choice as to if I will divulge more or not.  It depends on the person.

So I would say that if you are reading this right now, the answer is "I'm not doing too well, but thanks for asking.  How are you?"

Peace Out.