It's taken me a little bit of time, but I think I'm finally ready to write.
This past summer has probably been the one in which I have grown and changed the most. There have been a lot of events and occurances that have happened either to me or to those who I am or were close to, and each one has helped shaped who I have become right now. And I think I'm ready to share my findings.
Being 21 years old has opened so many new doors this summer. It's been kinda liberating actually. And it's nice that my closest friends are also 21; it gives me a chance to hang out with them in a new and social setting. I've also been privileged with meeting some new people and becoming great friends with them. A year ago, I would safely say that I would have not been as outgoing as I was this summer. And I think it really helped.
This summer I think I realized who my true friends are. It doesn't surprise me that it mainly consisted of people I didn't hang out with during the school year. This is by no means a slight to those I did chill with during the school year, but it was made very apparent to me who I could really trust unconditionally. That list is very small. In fact, a few people were removed from it for one reason or another. It dawned on me that friendship is something I truly cherish. I can say that I really love my friends. They have been there for me during every worrying session or venting or solemn moment. I know they have my back. And I have theirs. It's sad that a good number of them have left to go back to school. But they will be back. Plus I still have the buddies that go to school here...
It's been a little over 3 months since I've been in a relationship. It's been kinda hard, especially with the way things ended. My friends know how hard it's been, but it has been easier everyday. They have done so much for me to cheer me up, and for that I thank you. They also chimed in with their thoughts, feelings, and advice (which I have talked about in previous posts). During this time, I made some important discoveries and decisions. It was a bit foolish for me to think that a "break" would not turn into a "break up" before the summer was over. I really liked and cared for the person I was with, and I wished that A: she knew I felt that way during the relationship and B: I had shown that a little more. To me, the "break" meant for me to be alone without her and her without me and see how it went for a few months. Feelings were hurt on both ends, and it's what I think helped propel the events that occurred. But I am so glad that I had that time to think and reflect on the relationship. It has helped me learn more about myself and more about what I am looking for. She's got someone new, and that's fine. It initially hurt a lot (more than I, and she, thought it would). Some people thought that she did it on purpose just to hurt me. But the point is that things happen for a reason, and if we were not meant to be together, then so be it. Deal with it, suck it up, learn from it, and move on. I know that I am capable of loving someone; I just take a but longer than most others (and that's attributed to a few reasons, which I won't go into). I think it will be harder for me to find someone because of this trait, but I have to trust that I will be blessed with someone who understands that and will love me for me. The past relationships I've had have shown me more about who I am & what I want when it comes to relationships. My time will come, and when it does, it will be worth the wait and work.
This summer has also revealed that I am more outgoing than I thought I was. I'm a bit less worried about rejection. Well, maybe not that, but at least I know that I can make 1st moves. Or any moves in general. Plus, some people out there think I'm moderately attractive. So HA!
I want to be in the game show business so badly. It became very clear to me this summer. I TiVo'ed game show episodes all summer. I watched and analyzed them. I've come up with at least 5 new ideas this summer. I'm itching to get this off the ground. And I think I would be great at it. So many people have helped me so far, and many will help in the future. Trust me when I say that I won't forget what you guys have done for me.
There's still more to this, but it's getting kind of late, so I'm gonna go to bed.
Much Love To Those I Love Most.
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