Resting In Peace

I got a job at Staples as an EasyTech Associate.  So I will be selling computers and such.  This is a major triumph.

Sadly, it has come at a time when I feel like my options are running very low.  In less than 3 weeks time, I will no longer be staying at my current location.  No need to go into details.  But I have between now and then to secure a place to live, else I'll be living on the streets.

The issue at hand is that at my current pay rate, there is no way I can possible make any sort of reasonable payments of rent without sacrificing other necessities like food.  It basically boils down to this:

I find a suitable place to live on the salary that I have now, which would be ideal.  Or I find a much less suitable place and have to deal with it for a bit.  Or I find no place, in which case I live outside.

I want nothing more than a place for me to rest my head without the burden of stress on my (or anybody else's) mind.  That, in a nutshell, is what my current situation is.  It is not to the point of "unbearable", but it certainly seems damn close.

I like my job so far.  I'm glad I have it.  Getting that CBS job will make me feel even better, cause I can finally take that step to get closer to my dream.  But at the moment, there are a few things that are doing a number on me and to the people around me.  And I feel guilty about that.

If I could, I would pack up and leave now, if only to remove this feeling of inconvenience from them.  Although it has not been said outright, I know that it is there.  I see it on his face every day.  I see it in the way he converses with me.  I even see it in the way the little everyday things are done by him, from shutting a door to opening the fridge.  It's clear that I'm not helping.

So, regardless of where I am, by the end of the 2nd week of January, if I still have not found a suitable place for me to live, I will leave his place and figure it out from there.  At least then, the burden will be gone, and he (and the others) will no longer have to deal with me, because in my mind, me being here clearly is not working with him.  Which I understand.

In preparation for this, I have already packed my bags.  There are ready to go so that in a moment's notice, I can be off.  I've also am buying less food, and I'm trying to sleep in an intrusive area, so that I take up as little space as possible.

Since moving here, I have had few moments where I have been blissfully happy.  I would go as far as saying that I could count the number of instances on both hands.  I currently am in a depressed state of mind while trying to stay focused on my goal (I think I can be depressed and still be productive and goal-oriented at the same time).

I have no plans on going back to Boston yet, but currently I have no idea where I'll even be sleeping tomorrow.

Peace