Resting In Peace

I got a job at Staples as an EasyTech Associate.  So I will be selling computers and such.  This is a major triumph.

Sadly, it has come at a time when I feel like my options are running very low.  In less than 3 weeks time, I will no longer be staying at my current location.  No need to go into details.  But I have between now and then to secure a place to live, else I'll be living on the streets.

The issue at hand is that at my current pay rate, there is no way I can possible make any sort of reasonable payments of rent without sacrificing other necessities like food.  It basically boils down to this:

I find a suitable place to live on the salary that I have now, which would be ideal.  Or I find a much less suitable place and have to deal with it for a bit.  Or I find no place, in which case I live outside.

I want nothing more than a place for me to rest my head without the burden of stress on my (or anybody else's) mind.  That, in a nutshell, is what my current situation is.  It is not to the point of "unbearable", but it certainly seems damn close.

I like my job so far.  I'm glad I have it.  Getting that CBS job will make me feel even better, cause I can finally take that step to get closer to my dream.  But at the moment, there are a few things that are doing a number on me and to the people around me.  And I feel guilty about that.

If I could, I would pack up and leave now, if only to remove this feeling of inconvenience from them.  Although it has not been said outright, I know that it is there.  I see it on his face every day.  I see it in the way he converses with me.  I even see it in the way the little everyday things are done by him, from shutting a door to opening the fridge.  It's clear that I'm not helping.

So, regardless of where I am, by the end of the 2nd week of January, if I still have not found a suitable place for me to live, I will leave his place and figure it out from there.  At least then, the burden will be gone, and he (and the others) will no longer have to deal with me, because in my mind, me being here clearly is not working with him.  Which I understand.

In preparation for this, I have already packed my bags.  There are ready to go so that in a moment's notice, I can be off.  I've also am buying less food, and I'm trying to sleep in an intrusive area, so that I take up as little space as possible.

Since moving here, I have had few moments where I have been blissfully happy.  I would go as far as saying that I could count the number of instances on both hands.  I currently am in a depressed state of mind while trying to stay focused on my goal (I think I can be depressed and still be productive and goal-oriented at the same time).

I have no plans on going back to Boston yet, but currently I have no idea where I'll even be sleeping tomorrow.

Peace

Interviews? Word, Dawg.

There is one advantage to having a blog that virtually nobody reads:

You can write whatever the heck you want.

Sometimes there is something that you just wanna say, but you can't immediately cause either the right people aren't around to hear it, or it's not appropriate to say on, say, a social networking site (lest you want to start a fight or something).

*sigh* Now I feel much better. Let's get started.

I'll start with some good stuff. I had my first interview in Los Angeles today at the Staples down the street. The manager's name was Sal, and he was nice and very professional. He said that he was very impressed with the way I presented myself, as well as my resume, so I think I did a great job. I'm to check with him on Thursday afternoon. Why Thursday? I'll tell you in a bit.

Now the not-so-good stuff. This week alone has been probably one of the worst weeks so far. It's not because of the weather (cause I really like rain, and it has been raining for a bit). And it's not because Sallie Mae keeps calling me at 5AM (though that is very annoying for sure). It's mainly because I've been stressed and frankly angry. Stressed because I'm still looking for work (but it's looking up). Angry because my character was recently put into question. I nearly walked out at the beginning of this week, but thanks to some great friends, they convinced me otherwise. I'm still upset, and will probably be for a while, but I'm using energy to push me to be the best I can be. It's not exactly the way I wanted to be motivated, but it is indeed working, so I'll keep it going till it pays off.

It is not easy right now for most people, so I get annoyed when people make comments about how people are not making an effort to get things done, when in reality, many people are doing SO MUCH to progress and get results. Words have a profound power to them, and must be used wisely.

Back to the good stuff. Since the incident, I have been searching for work with a friend. I had already done this a few times before the incident, but it has been more important than ever, and it's working. We are both in the same situation, so I feel like we can be moral support for each other (which is what I think some people here fail to understand). She's a source of great information, and we've been keeping our promise of keeping each other in check.

Oh, and the reason why I must check in on Staples on Thursday? I have an interview with CBS that day for a spot in the Page position. THIS is the job I desperately want to get. I told Sal about it, and he told me that it is alright. I would ideally hold two jobs, so I hope this all works out. If it does, then I can finally focus on finding a place of my own in LA.

So that's the deal up to this point. My hard work is paying off. I have made it this far using my own way to get there. I would like to make it clear to anyone who is even thinking of moving here that there is no ONE WAY to get things done. And it's ok to go at it your own way. But do know who your friends are, and utilize them, cause the true decent friends will be the ones who will be there for you when you need it most.

The next time I write here, I hope to be writing with a CBS lanyard around my neck.

Peace.