I've got to write more.
Seriously.
I have been through quite a bit since I last wrote in this blog. It always seems like I come back to this whenever something big happens or just after the fact.
The truth is that I don't know where I'm headed in life. A few months ago, I had a concrete plan. Now, I have no idea. But let's go back a few, shall we?
Back in August, I took a break from Los Angeles and went home to Boston. The main purpose of the trip was to visit family and friends, and participate in the 5th Annual Bar Golf. I spent a week there, but secretly I wish I spent a little more time there. Being among some of my closest friends was such an immense feeling, something that I had not experienced in a while.
It was while I was there that I realized how much I missed Boston. But to truly dig deep into this, I forced myself to pinpoint what part or parts of Boston I missed. And after thinking for a bit, I came to the conclusion that it was my friends that I probably missed the most.
I have a lot of friends here in LA; they are all great and I am thankful for them, but they cannot replace the close friends that I have back at home. I miss the crazy impromptu adventures we'd have. I miss getting locked inside an Egyptian tomb with them on a regular basis. I miss having a casual beer while talking about something ridiculous. Trying to keep in close contact with them is something that I strive to do on a weekly basis.
There were not enough hours in the day to see all the people I wanted to. Everyday was booked with going from one social event to another, catching up with friends as quickly and thoroughly as possible. Thankfully, it didn't take much to get back into the swing of things. It was like I never left, and yet at the same time, it was like an eternity passed. It's nice to be missed. It's much nicer to be loved.
From Boston I went to Chicago for the first time to attend a wedding for one of my best friends. Having never been to Chicago before, I was excited. Having not seen my best friend in over a year, I was super excited.
Chicago reminded me of NYC, but cleaner. It is a city that I could see myself living in for sure, if the game show industry was huge there.
The wedding itself was beautiful. The ceremony was great. I even held the ring and made a speech (being informally the best man). I was proud to do so. But the wedding also made me think.
First off, there is no other pairing that I could see but the two of them. Just try to name another, and I'll probably say you're wrong (and then proceed to punch you in the face). If you looked up "true love" in some sort of compendium of words, you would see those two right next to the definition.
Secondly, it made me wonder if I would ever find something like that. Off the top of my head, I can think of at least 4 couples that I know that are either married or are engaged. I can also come up with many more couples that have been together for quite a while. While this should be no dipstick for my own personal love life, I can't help but think about whether it is destined for someone like myself. It's been a while since I've been in a relationship (since the last one ended so *gracefully*).
Thirdly, it made me realize that I deserve to be happy. I'm a fairly good looking person, with a personality to match. I've got a nice job, and I am flanked by good friends. I would like to find someone to share that with.
With the trip over, I returned to LA, ready to get back into the swing. For the first 2 days, it was as if I had never left. Things were fine.
And then I fell into a super deep state of depression. For nearly 3 weeks, all I did was wake up. go to work, come home, go to sleep. Repeat. I didn't talk to any of my roommates, I barely talked to anyone else. I would stay up late, just being sad, possibly reading PostSecret or something equally depressing. I didn't eat very much. I rarely drank anything. Essentially, I was killing myself slowly. I had the notion that I had nothing else to live for.
I have been depressed a few times in my life, but this was the most serious bout I have had ever. Continuing on this path, eventually I would have gone all the way. A close friend of mine called me on a whim and we had a serious chat about the situation. She herself has been in the same shoes as myself, so she knew what I was feeling. It was nice to know that there was someone else who understood. These days I'm doing much better. I'm not 100%, but I'm much better then I was a few weeks ago.
Which brings me to this. I've decided that, if by the end of my CBS Page tenure (which ends in August of 2011), I have not gotten a good job, or I am not in the process of getting a good job in the entertainment industry, I will return to Boston. With no job, I can't really afford to stay in this town and live comfortably. Plus, it only makes sense to me that I cut my losses before they become worse. That said, I will only feel accomplished with this deal if I have had made considerable effort in searching for a job. If I do return to Boston, that does not mean I have given up on my dream of working on game shows. It just means that I will have put them on hold for a bit and reassess the situation. But I've got a year, and that is a lot of time to make some magic happen.
I've had/will have a few television appearances. I'm in an opening shot on the first elimination episode of Season 11's Dancing With The Stars. I'll be featured in 2 episodes of The Price Is Right in October, with one of them being the Halloween special on October 29.
I played football with Kurt Warner, Rick Fox, Kyle Massey, and Michael Bolton this past week while on the clock and on the lot. It was an event to remember.
I have even been hanging out with some new people in the past couple of days, attempting to expand my social network.
Making connections in the entertainment business has become more prolific in the past couple of days, and I need to take full advantage of it.
I'm also leaving Staples after 9 months. It's just the right thing to do at this point in my life. It'll be sad to leave some of the great people I've worked with over there.
T-Mobile royally screwed up this past month, and they have payed dearly. I hope their customer service becomes better in the weeks to come, lest there be hell to pay.
Lastly, I'm trying to make a more conscious effort to be more open socially and emotionally. It has been a quirk of mine to close up when opening up would be a better option. So I am trying to do more to fix that.
Alright, there is not much more for me to talk about tonight. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you have.
Peace Out.
